Elitist Work Comment

I work in the clothing department of a major retail chain. Though this work may not be overly fulfilling, I appreciate this job doesn’t suck the life out of me the way management did. My mental load is not diminished throughout my workday, so I have capacity for creativity at home.

Since I float around the department, I have freedom for friendly chat with the clientele who pass through. One of my favorite ice-breakers is talking about Purdue, my alma mater. I grew up in Indiana but have lived in a suburb of Nashville for the past twelve years. It’s exciting to see black and gold on a shirt and have it be Purdue, and not the significantly more common Vanderbilt.

I see a middle-aged couple leisurely shopping and the wife is wearing a Purdue shirt. I ask them if they’re from Indiana or just a fan. This particular couple met at Purdue and I mention Purdue is also where I met my spouse. The wife follows up with, “You graduated from Purdue?” I confirmed. “Then why the hell are you working here?”

I was thrown off by this comment. I’ve had dozens of friendly interactions with fellow Boilermakers in the past, and up until this point, none of them have been elitist about my job. I am a firm believer that all jobs are deserving of respect. They shouldn’t have to be defended. However, I am proud I defended mine.

I took a deep breath and said my internal mantra of, “I got this.” This is a skill worked on and developed through my therapist as a way of calming the nervous system and giving the mind a supportive chance to work out the problem at hand. We’ve also worked on the mental skill of “hot potato.” When someone says something off putting, I don’t have to accept it. Just hot potato that statement right back into their lap. Another support network is realizing when someone is a jerk, it’s a them problem and not a you problem. I prefer mantras (I got this. Hot potato. Them problem, not a you problem.) so I can easily recall them in real time or address the current situation.

“I got this.”

I chose a stance similar to: “My job is known for treating their employees well, which is one of the many reasons this company has a low turnover rate. My benefits are better than my husband’s at his engineering job. They pay a living wage and I make considerably more money than you expect me to.” She started to walk off and her husband, who was nothing but pleasant and seemed to appreciate me standing up for myself, said it was nice to meet me. It was also a pleasure to meet him, though not his wife.

Understandably, I was pissed after this interaction. I tried to hold onto the feeling of kindness from the husband, but it’s hard to keep a grip on the good when the bad is so repulsive. Bad situations pull at the brain capacity more than good ones. I was trying to work this out so I could detach from the elitist comment and go back to enjoying my day.

I took out a scratch piece of paper and thought to myself, “What would my therapist say?” She would say I know myself better than anyone else, so I started with that.

“I am worthy. My job doesn’t define my work or the amount of respect I should receive. I’m proud I stood up for myself and hot-potatoed her issue. Her issue is not my issue. I pay my bills. I’m a good human. I don’t judge others on an outdated scale of societal worth.” Then I took a picture of the paper so I could have it as a reference and potentially to show my therapist so she could be proud.

Though I cannot control the condescending behavior of others, I can control my response to the behavior. I can work through the situation by using the skills and mantras from therapy. I can skip over the dwelling and start healing. I got this.